by Erich Fromm.
Love isn't something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn't a feeling, it is a practice.
Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the condition for the ability to love.
The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.
by Thomas Gordon.
When a person feels that he is truly accepted by another, as he is, then he is freed to move from there and to begin to think about how he wants to change, how we wants to grow, how he can become different, how he might become more of what he is capable of being.
Active Listening provides parents with a way of moving in and offering to help the child define the problem for herself, and starting up the process of problem-solving within the child.
I’m always amazed when adults say that children “just did that to get attention”. Naturally children who need attention will do all kinds of things to get it. Why not just give it to them?
Children don't say, “I had a hard day at school today; can I talk to you about it?” They say, “Will you play with me?
Parenting has been described as the process of giving our children both roots and wings.
And some fun silly games.
by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross.
The key to activating maturation is to take care of the attachment needs of the child. To foster independence we must first invite dependance; to promote individuation we must provide a sense of belonging and unity; to help the child separate we must assume the responsibility for keeping the child close. We help a child let go by providing more contact and connection than he himself is seeking. When he asks for a hug, we give him a warmer one than he is giving us. We liberate children not by making them work for our love but by letting them rest in it. We help a child face the separation involved in going to sleep or going to school by satisfying his need for closeness.
by Dr Tina Payne Bryson and Dr. Daniel Siegel.